‘I found peace in the practice of art’: After relentless bullying pushed her to get double jaw surgery, Danielle Paterson, a fine art graduate, discusses how and why she documented her experience through art.
When I was 13, I was a victim of bullying.
This was due to my facial appearance: I had a severe underbite which became more obvious as I went into my teenage years.
I had a really tough time and would avoid going to school in fear of being victimised for something which was out of my control.
In the hopes I would be able to get braces to fix my underbite, I went to the orthodontist. This is when I found out braces wouldn’t ‘fix me’.
I needed jaw surgery.
Unfortunately, I had to wait until I was 18 before the process could begin. This meant that I had to put up with the bullying for another four to five years.
My happy place
Luckily, I found peace in the practice of art.
Ever since I was young, I really enjoyed arts and crafts. I would sit and watch drawing tutorials for hours, creating simple drawings of my favourite cartoons, which is probably where my skill of portraiture came from. My parents were very supportive of my artistic talent growing up.
Throughout secondary school, art was my favourite subject; it was a place I could go to be myself. This is why I went on to do art and design at A-Level.
In 2016, my mum passed away at the age of 44; this was a reminder to me that life is too short.
With that in mind, I took my mum’s advice and followed my heart to live a happy life doing what I enjoy most: creating art and making the most of all opportunities.
A life changing experience
Once I finished sixth form, my dental journey began and I got my braces in July 2019.
To prepare myself for the surgery I would watch vlogs and read articles and blogs from people sharing their stories. I even messaged a few people from the UK and America, asking them for tips and thanking them for sharing their experiences.
I would describe my jaw surgery experience as life changing.
Not only has it made me a more confident person, but it has made me appreciate who I am and most importantly, who I was before undergoing the surgery.
The surgery was a huge step I chose to take in my life and I have no regrets.
It was the most scary, exciting, and nerve-wracking thing I have ever experienced. But I am very happy I did it.
During the days leading up to the surgery, I would get asked, ‘Are you nervous?’, but my answer was: ‘No, I’m excited.’
I was excited because I had waited since I was 13 to be able to look in the mirror and actually be able to smile back at myself and like the way I look.
The road to recovery
I remember waking up from surgery. I was terrified. With a lot of sickness and pain, I had a tough start to my recovery.
I struggled so much with eating, sleeping, talking and being able to walk. I also felt very weak for the first four to six days.
Slowly but surely, I recovered thanks to the help of my partner and family.
Throughout my recovery, I would find myself thinking, ‘Why did I do this?’ I was so angry with myself because the pain felt self-inflicted.
I needed to remind myself that I did it for a number of reasons. The main being because the bullying I experience scarred me mentally.
The names I was called throughout my teens made me dislike my own appearance to the point that it was irreversible.
This jaw surgery was my first step to being comfortable with myself.
My life has changed quite a lot since having double jaw surgery. I feel a lot more confident both physically and mentally.
The worst of the recovery is over and now I am getting to enjoy the new me.
It’s nice to see my friends and family’s reactions as they all express how great I look.
Documenting my journey
In 2019, I decided to go to Liverpool Hope University to study fine art. University was tough for me due to the Covid-19 pandemic. However, I pushed through and graduated in July 2022 with a 2:1.
At university, I wanted to focus the subject of my artwork on myself – specifically my journey.
I used my artwork as a form of documentation.
This was because I wanted to express myself creatively through the artwork whilst also having it as a form of documentation.
I am not very good expressing myself through words. As a result, I find creating art to be ideal for self-expression.
When trying to explain the physicality of the pain and the way it made me feel mentally, I found it very difficult to put my feelings into words.
The best way to show my pain and thoughts was through art.
I believe using my artwork to document my journey was the best idea I could have had because it has got me to the point I am at now.
I have gained a lot more support from people over social media, thanking me for sharing my story. In addition, I am a much happier person since having the surgery.
Feeling broken and constant pain
This set of three contain portraits of me before I had the jaw surgery. I worked on these before and after the surgery.
The portraits and drawings of the X-rays were sketched first.
I left them aside once I had finished the pencil drawings as I was unsure what else to add to them.
Once I had the surgery, I kept a diary with me to write down all the feelings I felt had, as well as things I could related the feelings to.
In regards to these artworks, my feelings revolved around constant pain, sharpness, feeling broken and being held together with screws.
This is the reasoning behind the material used in the art.
The broken glass is held to the canvas using resin and super glue. There are also screws and pins in the canvas to represent the physicality of the screws in my face and the ‘pins and needles’ sensation I had in my face.
As well as this, I chose to include mirrors in the artwork as it was the thing I used most during my recovery.
I kept looking at myself, waiting for the swelling to go down. I also wanted to see my new face all healed. It took a while but I got there in the end.
There is irony to the artwork because I used to avoid mirrors out of dislike for my appearance. Now, without sounding too self-obsessed or weird, I love looking at the new me.
I have attached another piece of artwork which I created as part of the portfolio below. The artwork is called ‘TENSION‘ and is about the feelings of my face post-surgery.
It’s going to be exhibited in London next month (October 10 – 21, 2022) in Zari Gallery, 73 Newman Street, London, W1T 3EJ.
Huge impact
My work has had a huge impact on the way I have recovered from my jaw surgery.
My practice was like my diary and I communicated my feelings through my art as a way of expressing myself.
This was a great way for me to reflect on my journey as I was able to look through previous photographs and be happy with the decisions I made.
I now have a huge portfolio that is dedicated to my experience. Therefore, I can look back on my experience, reminding myself of how I used to look and the journey I was on.
I want my story to be shared with as many people who will listen because it was an important and life changing experience for me.
Some people may be going through similar experiences. So if I can ease their worries about whether or not things will get better, I would love to help as many people as I can.
Some people may struggle to express themselves or come to terms with their feelings. I want to share my artwork so that people may take up the opportunity to use art as form of expression too.
Looking ahead, I am excited my future as an independent artist. The art world is an incredibly competitive place, but I look forward to whatever it holds for me.
Whilst creating artwork, I am also currently gaining work experience in a secondary school.
I plan on studying a PGCE in September 2023 in the hopes of becoming an art teacher. That’s the plan!
Follow Dentistry.co.uk on Instagram to keep up with all the latest dental news and trends.
