How should employers react when a team member’s personal life is having a negative impact on their work? Sarah McKimm shares her advice for helping an employee through a personal crisis.
The scenario
I’m a practice manager at a busy dental practice, and I’m facing a dilemma with team management.
One of the DCPs has recently been turning up late for shifts. It started occasionally, but it’s becoming more frequent, and it’s beginning to impact the morning workflow but also morale. Our patients and team rely on everyone being in on time and it causes tension when someone is consistently late.
Here’s the difficult part: I know they are going through a lot personally. They recently went through a difficult divorce, which has also led to issues juggling childcare. They haven’t said much directly, but there are signs they are not coping well.
I genuinely care about their wellbeing but I also need to run a smooth, professional practice. How do I support them without compromising the rest of the team?
What is Chairside Chats?
Sarah McKimm is a qualified counsellor with more than 20 years of experience in the dental profession. She is here to offer a space where dental professionals can explore the human side of dentistry together, looking at what’s behind the mask through a unique perspective.
Each month, she will take a question from one of you and explore it with care, compassion, and insight. Drawing on her dual background as a counsellor and experience as a dental professional, she aims to provide empathic, non-judgmental responses tailored to the struggles faced in this field.
While she can’t offer counselling here (or replace professional support where it’s needed), she hopes to share some practical tips, professional insights and coping strategies.
Sarah’s reply
Dear reader,
I want to start by saying I see you and you deeply care – that’s apparent through every line of your message. You’ve picked up on signals from your colleague that they are not okay and you’re trying to find a way forward for them and the team. You understand their struggle yet also need things to run smoothly. It sounds like you’re trying to lead with both heart and head. That’s not easy. But that’s leadership.
As someone who’s spent more than two decades in the dental profession and now sits alongside people in the therapeutic space, I’ve realised that leadership in dentistry isn’t just about rotas, regulations, and seamlessly running surgeries. It’s also about the deeply human moments that you’re experiencing now – where empathy and responsibility collide and it’s unclear which way to turn.
The truth is there is no right or wrong answer, so let’s unpack and explore this gently together.
Invisible weight
What you describe is a situation many in the dental field experience but no one talks about: The invisible backpack that is carried into practice each day, loaded down by the weight of personal struggle. The expectation that this bag is left at the door and patients, procedures and protocol become the priority. However, just because a colleague clocks in doesn’t mean emotionally they can or should clock off.
This scenario hits close to home for me, because I’ve lived both sides of this coin.
I’ve been the colleague who’s shown up exhausted, carrying the invisible weight of a break-up, solo parenting, and a crumbling sense of who I was. I remember mornings where I was already overwhelmed before I’d even left the house. Where a child was sick, I had no backup, and the guilt of being late was only matched by the guilt of not being there for my child.
‘The expectation was to put on the mask and be the professional, creating safety for patients when I didn’t even feel safe in my own body’
Life after separation felt like trying to bail out a sinking ship in the middle of a storm with no ways to navigate. I felt alone, exhausted and scared – drowning in demands and standards I felt failed to meet. The expectation was to put on the mask and be the professional, creating safety for patients when I didn’t even feel safe in my own body.
On the flip side I’ve also been the colleague who’s there early, setting up extra surgeries, managing rising tension as someone else repeatedly turned up late. Feeling the pressure and resentment build and wondered why nobody talked about it. That sense that expectations are creeping up but support isn’t. I felt frustrated, unsupported and overwhelmed with no acknowledgment or gratitude for the increased workload and demands.
The truth that lives quietly in so many teams is that both sides are valid. It’s hard to be the one struggling. And it’s hard to be the one shouldering the impact.
So as a manager how do you respond in a way that’s both compassionate and practical, holding the whole team in mind?
1. Start with an empathic conversation – not confrontation
Find a quiet space, away from clinical busyness, and lead with care rather than criticism. Try something like:
‘I’ve noticed things have been harder lately with getting in on time. I understand you’ve got a lot going on personally, and I want to check in. What’s going on at the moment, and what would help you manage things better – for yourself and for the team?’
This opens the door to honesty without blame. You’re not demanding answers – you’re creating safety and trust without judgement.
2. Offer support but co-create a plan
If your workplace has an employee assistance programme (EAP), make sure they’re aware of it. Many team members don’t know what’s available. EAPs often offer:
- Free confidential counselling (for stress, grief, depression, relationship breakdowns, etc)
- Legal support (for divorce, child custody, housing, etc)
- Financial advice (especially important after separation)
- Parenting or family support (including navigating single parenting and child wellbeing)
- Crisis support (if things feel overwhelming or unmanageable).
Sometimes, just one counselling session or legal consult can shift someone’s capacity to cope.
3. Explore short-term, realistic workplace adaptations
You don’t have to solve everything, but small, thoughtful changes can reduce pressure on everyone:
- Could their clinician adapt start times temporarily?
- Could their shifts be rearranged to start later for a few weeks?
- Is job-sharing or buddying up for morning set-ups possible?
- Could admin work or duties be flexed to rebalance the load?
The key is temporary adaptations, reviewed regularly – not indefinite changes that create imbalance.
4. Be transparent with your wider team without oversharing
Resentment thrives in silence. If others are picking up extra pressure, acknowledge it:
‘I’m aware things have felt stretched lately. I’m working with [colleague] to put some supports in place. In the meantime, thank you for how you’re showing up. If things are feeling heavy, come talk to me.’
You don’t need to share personal details. But honesty about the impact and reassurance that action is happening goes a long way.
5. Hold healthy boundaries alongside empathy
Empathy doesn’t mean letting things slide forever. You can care deeply about someone and still need them to meet expectations. Set clear timeframes for review and let them know: ‘We’ll check in again in a few weeks. I’m here to support you, but we also need to protect the team’s wellbeing. Let’s work together to find a balance.’
6. And finally… take care of you, too
It’s easy to forget, as a manager, that you’re holding a lot too. Holding everyone’s needs – the team, the patients, the business, this individual – can be overwhelming and heavy. Don’t be afraid to reach out yourself. Talk this through with someone you trust. It could be a fellow manager, a peer, or your own access to EAP. Sometimes leaders need guidance too.
You’re already doing the hardest part: noticing, caring, and looking for a way forward for everyone. That’s the kind of leadership our profession desperately needs – not perfect, not polished, but honest, human, and full of heart. Keep showing up and the rest will follow.
Take gentle care,
Sarah
Catch up with more Chairside Chat articles here:
- How do I stay relevant when the dental profession is changing so fast?
- I need time off dentistry but I don’t know how to ask for it
- A patient reported me to the GDC – I feel betrayed and confused
- Workplace bullying in dentistry: ‘I’m being targeted by senior staff – but I’m scared to report it’
- I’m a new dental graduate – and I’m worried I’m a bad dentist.
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