I need time off dentistry but I don’t know how to ask for it

When burnout hits, asking for time off can seem daunting – Sarah McKimm shares why speaking up matters and how to do it without guilt.

The scenario

I’m a dentist in my early 50s working at a busy mixed practice four days a week. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely drained by the work, both mentally and physically. Due to personal financial pressures, retirement isn’t on the cards any time soon, but just the thought of continuing at this current pace is making me feel drained and unmotivated.

I know I need to take some time off for my mental and physical health, but I feel guilty even thinking about it. I don’t want to let the team down or make the principal think I’m not coping.

I’m also unsure how to even bring it up, to not only the practice principal but my own family, especially as I know both rely on me heavily. Please help!

What is Chairside Chats?

Sarah McKimm is a qualified counsellor with more than 20 years of experience in the dental profession. She is here to offer a space where dental professionals can explore the human side of dentistry together, looking at what’s behind the mask through a unique perspective.

Each month, she will take a question from one of you and explore it with care, compassion, and insight. Drawing on her dual background as a counsellor and experience as a dental professional, she aims to provide empathic, non-judgmental responses tailored to the struggles faced in this field.

While she can’t offer counselling here (or replace professional support where it’s needed), she hopes to share some practical tips, professional insights and coping strategies.

Sarah’s reply

Dear reader,

Thank you for sharing so openly. Reading your words, I feel like I could have written that myself not so long ago.

The physical and mental exhaustion you’ve described is something so many clinicians feel but rarely say out loud. It’s that deep, soul-heavy tiredness that makes everything feel more difficult. It takes courage to admit when things are feeling too much, especially in a profession like dentistry where there’s so much pressure to just keep going.

Dentistry takes its toll, not just mentally but physically too. You’re constantly switched on, thinking about patient safety, managing expectations, navigating complex procedures, and always putting others first. The physical strain can be relentless too – hours spent in awkward positions, doing intricate work in tiny spaces, all while trying to stay calm and reassuring.

It’s no wonder you’re feeling drained. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time and recognising this is the first step.

Dentistry is demanding

It sounds like you’ve been pushing through because you feel you have no choice. You care so deeply about doing a good job, about patients’ wellbeing, keeping your principal happy, and providing for your family that you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and don’t want to let anyone down. But at the same time, you’re abandoning your own needs and running on empty.

The profession raises clinicians to believe that resilience means pushing through and keeping going – no matter what. There are patients that need you, targets to be met, a dental team that needs you, and so does your family. But where is the message that it’s okay to need something yourself? To rest, to recalibrate, space to recover.

The truth is, you know you need to take some time off – not a dramatic sabbatical or early retirement (as wonderful as those luxuries would be), but just enough time to breathe, find balance and reconnect to the version of you that isn’t constantly in survival mode. The you beyond the mask.

I’m hearing you feeling guilty about even thinking about stepping back. Your automatic thoughts are telling you that you’re letting people down – that the principal will think you can’t cope, your family will panic, and that somehow, caring about yourself means you don’t care about others.

The realisation is that these fears are based on beliefs you’ve been trained to listen to. You’ve been conditioned to ignore the warning signs of burnout and to keep going, but this is neither realistic nor sustainable.

Running on fumes

Dentistry is a beautiful, demanding profession, but you’re not a robot. You’re a human being with emotions, needs and limitations. What would it feel like to tune into what you need right now? To start to have those difficult conversations? You can’t keep pretending everything’s fine when you’re not.

If you’d told me years ago that I’d one day step away from dentistry and retrain as a counsellor, I’m not sure I’d have believed you. But after more than two decades working in busy practices, giving my all to patients and teams, I reached a point where I knew something had to change. Not because I didn’t love aspects of the work, but because I’d spent too long ignoring my own needs in the process.

And here’s what I’ve learned since: even when we know better, even when we’re trained to support others’ wellbeing, it’s still incredibly hard to admit when we’re struggling. Especially when we’re so used to being the one others lean on.

The truth I keep coming back to, both as a counsellor and someone who’s lived through burnout, is: you can’t pour from an empty cup. No one benefits – not your patients, not your colleagues, not your family – when you’re running on fumes.

What if you can’t step away?

So, what can you do when stepping away completely isn’t an option?

You come back to what is in your control.

Can you take an honest look at how you’re living and working? Can you loosen the perfectionism, the guilt, and the need to always be the strong one? Instead, ask: what do I need right now? Not in a year, not when things calm down – now.

Sometimes the answer is simple, even if it’s not always easy:

More time in nature – stepping outside, breathing, grounding yourself away from the noise of expectation
Adjusting your diary – creating breathing space between patients, not filling every hour just because you can
Prioritising self-care – not the fluffy kind, but the kind that reminds your nervous system you’re safe and allowed to rest
Reworking your schedule – to suit you, not just everyone else. Whether it’s starting later, building in admin time, or protecting your lunch break like life depends on it (because sometimes it does)
Reconnecting with joy – even in small, quiet ways. Music, reading, movement, laughter – things that remind you you’re more than the roles you play.

Having the conversation

And perhaps most importantly, letting go of the fear that asking for what you need makes you less capable. In fact, it makes you more sustainable.

Talking to your principal can feel daunting, but if they’re worth their weight, they’ll care about your wellbeing. You don’t have to pour your heart out or justify every emotion. You can say something simple like, ‘I’ve been feeling really run down lately, and I think I need to take a bit of time to reset. I want to be at my best for the practice, but I need to take care of myself too.’

Same with your family. They may rely on you, but they also love you. And people who love you want you well. Even if they don’t fully understand at first, opening that door to honest conversation gives you a chance to be seen – not just as the provider, the professional, the fixer – but as a person who sometimes needs care too.

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself, it’s necessary. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to give yourself permission to rest or reset. You don’t need to justify it. And you’re not weak for needing it.

You’re human. You’re doing your best. And if no-ones told you this yet, you’re allowed to put yourself first sometimes – not in spite of your responsibilities, but because of them.

Take gentle care,

Sarah

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