Sarah McKimm shares her advice for setting clear professional boundaries and managing inappropriate behaviour from a colleague.
The scenario
I’m a dental hygienist working in a busy mixed practice, and I’ve found myself in a situation that’s becoming increasingly difficult to manage. One of the dentists I work alongside has started behaving in a way that feels like flirting to me. It’s subtle but persistent – compliments that go beyond the professional, lingering eye contact, light jokes that carry an undertone, and sometimes finding excuses to spend more time around me when we’re not actually working on the same patients.
At first I brushed it off as harmless, but I’ve started to feel uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it, or if others in the team have noticed. I worry that if I misinterpret the situation and raise it, I’ll come across as paranoid or dramatic. But if I stay silent and the behaviour escalates, I’ll regret not having acted sooner.
I value my job and the practice. I also respect this dentist as a colleague, but I want clear professional boundaries. I don’t want gossip or awkwardness in the team, and I’m conscious of the power dynamics – even though he isn’t technically my boss, dentists do tend to hold more sway in the practice hierarchy.
Should I say something about it or keep ignoring it? I just want to be able to do my job without second-guessing someone’s intentions or my own reactions.
What is Chairside Chats?
Sarah McKimm is a qualified counsellor with more than 20 years of experience in the dental profession. She is here to offer a space where dental professionals can explore the human side of dentistry together, looking at what’s behind the mask through a unique perspective.
Each month, she will take a question from one of you and explore it with care, compassion, and insight. Drawing on her dual background as a counsellor and experience as a dental professional, she aims to provide empathic, non-judgmental responses tailored to the struggles faced in this field.
While she can’t offer counselling here (or replace professional support where it’s needed), she hopes to share some practical tips, professional insights and coping strategies.
Sarah’s reply
Dear reader,
Thank you for being brave enough to share this. Reading your words, I can hear the tension you’re holding. You’re wanting to trust your instincts while second-guessing whether you’re ‘reading too much into it’. That doubt and confusion is something many of us feel when boundaries start to blur, and it can leave us feeling stuck between silence and action.
What you’ve described is subtle but persistent behaviour that has left you feeling uncomfortable. That in itself is enough. Your feelings are valid. You don’t need ‘proof’ that someone’s intentions are inappropriate for your discomfort to matter.
You’ve already shown insight by noticing not only the behaviour but your own internal response to it. I’d gently invite you to tune into how your body feels in those moments around this colleague. Do you feel a quickened heart rate, tension in your stomach or chest, a desire to withdraw? These sensations often tell us more than our thoughts can. They might signal fear, nervous system dysregulation, or a fight/flight/freeze response. None of those are signs of overreacting they are signs your body doesn’t feel safe.
Coping techniques
When you feel this response rising, a few grounding techniques may help regulate your nervous system in the moment:
- Breathing: slow, deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth, lengthening the exhale to tell your body it is safe
- 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: noticing five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste – gently bringing yourself back into the present
- Physical release: if possible, step away briefly, unclench your fists or jaw, and roll your shoulders to release held tension.
This regulation won’t change the other person’s behaviour, but it helps you respond from a calmer, conscious more grounded place if you do choose to set a boundary.
Speaking out
If you feel safe, you might want to start with a direct but professional response. Sometimes a simple statement like, ‘I’d like to keep our conversations professional’ or ‘That comment made me uncomfortable, let’s keep things work-related’, is enough to draw a line. It can feel daunting, but being congruent, honest and clear protects your boundaries and signals that the behaviour is not welcome.
If that feels too unsafe or the behaviour continues, you are not alone in handling this. Recognising the power imbalance you described is important. Dentists may hold sway in practice dynamics, but that does not mean they hold power over your right to feel safe. No role, however senior, gives anyone permission to cross professional boundaries.
You might want to consider these next steps:
- Document what has happened – brief notes on dates, times, and what was said/done can help you feel more certain in your reality
- Seek support – is there a colleague you trust who you can share this with confidentially? Sometimes just speaking it aloud reduces self-doubt
- Escalate safely – your practice manager is the first port of call, as they hold responsibility for ensuring a safe and professional workplace. If your practice has an employee assistance programme (EAP), this could also be a supportive, confidential resource
- Professional support – if you continue to feel unsafe or unsupported, the GDC has guidance around workplace conduct and raising concerns.
You are not being paranoid, dramatic or difficult. You are noticing a shift in professional boundaries that feels uncomfortable, and that needs honouring. You have every right to expect respect, professionalism and safety in your workplace regardless of who you work alongside.
By listening to your body, grounding yourself, and considering what support feels safe, you are already taking steps toward protecting yourself.
Take gentle care,
Sarah
Catch up with more Chairside Chat articles here:
- I’m nervous to return to dentistry after extended sick leave
- My employee’s personal life is impacting my dental business
- How do I stay relevant when the dental profession is changing so fast?
- I need time off dentistry but I don’t know how to ask for it
- A patient reported me to the GDC – I feel betrayed and confused.
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